Posted in Bloggin'


Dear Ex – Boyfriend,

I really am so sorry for everything that I have done to self destruct this relationship. It’s so hard to tell you how I exactly feel because I am not feeling anything right now. You are such a kind and caring man. You have so much love in your heart and I don’t know if I would ever find someone who loves me as much as you do.

During the beginning of our relationship I was so focused on trying to fix you. Trying to help get your life together so I can make room for an “us”. However, throughout that time, I really lost the person I was. I became controlling and paranoid, I questioned every time you said anything & I hated the person that I was turned into. That change of character was no ones fault other than my own. I was not able to handle what I thought I could.

Once we “fixed” you, I started realizing that it was becoming extremely difficult to stop being the paranoid, crazy woman that I turned into. I slowly became conscious of the fact that now, we might have to fix me. I just didn’t / don’t know how to fix myself with you still in the equation. This has been the most difficult part to comprehend.

You must not understand why I left since it was such a minor miscommunication issue, but it symbolized more to me than the issue we were faced with. I was tired of not being able to talk to communicate effectively towards you. I was tired of feeling worried about discussing minor issues that I knew you would not like. I feel like I am causing more damage than good at this point and you deserve differently.

You deserve a woman that can give you the love and affection you deserve. You deserve a woman who focuses on you more than herself. You deserve a woman who can talk you up when you are feeling down. At this moment in my life, I am not that woman.

I personally have a lot of changes that need to be made. I need to learn how to communicate effectively. I need to learn how to let go of events that have happened in the past. I need to learn how to focus on the present and stop worrying about the future. I need to learn how to love from the inside out, instead of from the outside in.

I have a lot of things that I have to thank you for. You have shown me how it feels to experience love. You have shown me how it feels to experience life. You have been there for me throughout all of the highs and lows; and you have been such a good partner. It is my own fault for this break up. You may have added fire to the flames, but I was the one who let it burn… if that even makes sense.

It really does pain me to let you go. I have made myself literally speechless.  I just have a feeling that this is for the best at this point of my life. Although my heart has so much love for you, I have to listen to my gut.

I am sorry I disappointed & hurt you. I disappointed & hurt myself too.